Clients come to see me for a variety of reasons. Some have health issues they wish to address, others recognize an unhealthy relationship with food, and some are looking to optimize their diet and lifestyle. Despite there being a wide range of reasons clients come to see me, there is a common theme I see across most of my clients. They all have some sort of when-then (or if-then) thinking. When-Then thinking is a popular lie we tell ourselves and it goes like this, When X happens, Then I’ll do (feel, or be) something else. The issue with this type of thinking is that the When or the Then typically never happens.
This failure of the When or the Then to materialize is understandable. Life is hectic and typically chaotic. Very few people have the luxury of a lifestyle that is constant and unchanging. Typically most jobs require some sort of necessary adaptation to shifting schedules, priorities, clients, demographics, or a whole host of unpredictable life events. We are seeing this right now play out on a national and global scale with the COVID-19 pandemic. Many have no idea what to expect tomorrow. No one could have guessed a year ago that we would all (well, most of us that is) be sheltering in place in order to prevent the worst case scenario of a pandemic from becoming a reality. Yet, here we are. Despite the best laid plans, life always throws a wrench in the machine.
Here are a few of the common types of When-Then thinking that I see.
When I lose weight, then I’ll be happy (or any number of thens such as then I’ll be respected, or then people won’t think I’m lazy..the list goes on).
When we return back to work, then I’ll start getting my life together again.
When my kids have left for college, then I’ll make more time for my spouse or friends.
When I retire, then I’ll travel.
When I get the promotion, then I’ll take more time for my family.
Interestingly many motivational speaker types and other coaches often discuss this in the context of getting you to be more physically active, or to devote more time to learning about health, etc. What I love about this is that it can go both ways. That is to say, it can be used to both prevent us from taking action that gets us moving more or eating in a more sustainable way and it can also be used to prevent us from taking a break and finding some peace with our selves.
When I lose weight, then I’ll finally value myself.
When the kids go back to school, then I’ll take time for some self-care.
When I can fit into those pants, then I’ll allow myself the time to take some relaxing baths.
As you can see, all of the examples above can be used as obstacles to physical activity or diet changes just as easily as they can be used to prevent us from taking a break that may be sorely needed to prevent burn out.
One of the reasons the When or the Then never happen is that we typically just replace it with another…constantly shifting the goal posts on ourselves. Over time a person can start thinking that there is something wrong with them. Yes, something is not right, but more often than not the issue is this type of thinking in general. NO! You are not at fault, this thinking pattern that we all just mindlessly pass along IS the Problem. I can’t stress this enough, you are a valuable human being regardless of your class, age, sex, nationality, immigration status, sexual orientation, weight, or health status.
I encourage you to toss When-Then thinking out the door. Sure planning is important, but at some point you have to act, or make a decision. Since I practice nutrition I see this a lot in terms of weight, body size, and health. Problem is, few people are seeing the big picture. All too often people are hyper focused on the number on the scale and the When-Then thinking turns into a trap that prevents growth of the mind, body, spirit in a more sustainable way. Isn’t the point of health and wellness to feel…well well and happy? So, why are you letting a number be the overarching governing factor preventing you from feeling well or happy?
With COVID-19 I have seen many in the industry make lots of claims for how getting healthier can help save your life from COVID-19. I have to say that while the big diseases do have a lifestyle factor, many with them (diabetes, heart disease, etc.) don’t have the privilege of being able to structure their entire lives to a fitness routine or meal planning schedule. Others can’t afford the food or expensive supplements being sold by supplement companies. When-Then thinking can get in the way here as well. Many are telling themselves “when I make more money, then I’ll make those changes I wanted to make for my health.” The problem with this one is this simple question…what if that never happens? This is very important to be mindful of since most health outcomes follow socioeconomic status rather than any measure of personal will power or any specific dietary intervention. That’s right, your fancy 30 day detox is less important than making enough money to have it be an option…because that money will tend to go towards seeing your doctor more, taking more time for self-care, or having the supplies to actually batch cook like all the trendy social media influencers would like you to.
So what can you do then? The answer to that depends on you and your unique circumstances. If you are privileged enough to do so, and have the means to see a nutritionist, reach out so we can work together to use mindfulness to help you cut through the garbage thoughts in our mind and garbage being peddled on social media. In the meantime, please take some time to think about the adversity that others are going through rather than lump them (or yourself) into the “lazy” category. It takes courage to be kind to yourself and others…courage that you will need to counter all the When-Then thinking in your life.
